In The Middle There Was A Beginning

This isn’t where you’d typically begin this story. You’d want to start this story the day I heard the news no guy wants to hear. At least no guy like me. I’m a guy who always wanted the marriage and the wife….maybe not at 23, not then, but I knew I did eventually.

I met my wife when I was 24, got engaged at 25, married at 26. Life was good. Life was really good. I was happy and in love. Then you take that natural step: ‘Let’s start a family.’

I may not have always been ready to get married, but I’ve always felt like I was born to be a dad. I couldn’t wait to get started. Once my wife was ready, neither could she. It was December 2008; I was 28 and she was 27; the timing was right. It was….perfect.

So the news…it was October 2009. Just to get it out in the open, I had/have sperm. I’m not sterile. I just didn’t have enough sperm to make it easy to get pregnant. Did you know you can have millions of sperm in each…shot…and still not have enough? Me neither. Oh, and my sperm had a learning disability; they didn’t no how to swim in the right direction. They call it motility, and my sperm were lacking in it.

It’s been 18 months, and it’s still just me, the wife and the dog. We have an extremely happy marriage, probably to the point of making some of our friends sick. One positive out of this is that we learned we can weather ANYTHING as a couple. If I’m with her, I’m with joy.

And it’s today. She has three follicles this month. We nailed it; we will have the best chance yet of getting pregnant. Inseminations tomorrow and Friday with my new and improved sperm (more on that to come). I’m hopeful; how can I be hopeful after all of this? It’s crazy, and yet…it’s real. I believe it can happen.

My professor in my ‘Writing Fiction’ class in college (yes, that was an actual class) once said the best stories start in the middle. Maybe this one fits the bill; I personally hope it’s closer to the end. In any case, I’ll be reviewing the past and updating the current in future posts. I have my partner, my love, to go through this with, but this blog shall serve as my outlet, my canvas. And maybe it will serve to help another guy, a good guy, understand what this process looks like. And maybe it will eventually serve as a case of hope for someone else.

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4 responses to “In The Middle There Was A Beginning

  1. I wish you TONS of luck this month! Three follies are great, and I hope they behave! Did your wife take any meds also?

    Following you on Twitter also- it is good to have a guy to read. My husband has non-obstructive azoospermia…TESE showed nada. Not even the cells that make sperm. 😦 We ended up doing donor IUI and I was on Femara. We got pregnant on the second try and now am 20 weeks.

    I hope so much that this is it for you and hope you keep on blogging through your adventure. The male perspective is so elusive!!!

    • Thanks for the kind works. I appreciate it. I only know a little about azoospermia from having read about it. Everyone has their own unique issues, but I think there are a lot of common feelings.

      Congrats on your pregnancy! I’ll be following you as well 🙂

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