The Two Week Wait

Somebody could probably become a millionaire if they could figure out how to develop a pregnancy test that could detect the pregnancy a lot faster. Like immediately. As any couple that has dealt with infertility issues knows, the two week wait between inseminations and knowing whether or not this was your month can be agony.

For me, I don’t think it’s as bad. I can’t say I don’t think about it….but not all the time. My wife on the other hand…if she feels something odd, or different, could that be? If we go out with friends, should she drink alcohol? How much exercise is too much? Can we go for a walk, or maybe just do a little shopping? Every decision involves the potential of everything actually going right this time, and her wanting to make sure she does everything “right.” The possibility of pregnancy is with her constantly during these two weeks, because it’s her body. It’s agony, and I feel like I need to constantly prove to her that it’s on my mind too. Because somehow, it’s not fair if just one of us has those constant reminders. But no matter how hard I try, I feel guilty. Because it’s not the same.

We were able to take some time off from the “process” after her surgery. She needed to recover, and then the timing of everything coincided with Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. So we basically had 3 months off. At first thought, I was really disappointed that we lost a quarter of a year. But to be honest, it was awesome. She had no hormones in her system, and she was her normal self for 3 months straight. She constantly asked me while she was on hormones if I can notice the difference in her, and I honestly told her no, she was the same person. But it was more evident to me after she got off the meds that that wasn’t really true.

It’s really more the progesterone. The clomid didn’t do much to her, but the progesterone….man. It made her sad, depressed, quiet, tired….not the same. She was still fun to be with, and could be happy or laugh, but she had to maybe try harder to force her way through to those feelings? They were muted, in a way. So the 3 months were just fantastic….we enjoyed being a married couple, we went out, had a blast. She was happy, and “normal.” I long for the days when she’s off the progesterone for good….of course, then she’ll have the pregnancy hormones I guess… 🙂

Also during this time, on November 20, we had a very blessed event; the birth of my nephew, my first blood-nephew/niece. The son of my identical twin brother. I was so excited at his birth, and relish every chance I get to see him.

But when we found out earlier that year in April, the feelings were so mixed. How could I feel, when I found out about such a wonderful addition to our family, the saddest and lowest I had ever felt? More to come on this…

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8 responses to “The Two Week Wait

  1. Oh yes…the invention we all wish would happen. 2wws suck. No two ways about it. I appreciate your honesty and awareness that it is always on your wife’s mind coupled with your guilt.
    Sometimes my husband would suggest something (a nightcap at a smoky bar or such) and I would want to scream “I MIGHT BE PREGNANT”, and then get frustrated thinking he forgot. We talked about it one night, and he was just trying to find things to distract us. Admittedly not the best suggestion, but I realized his heart was in the right place.
    It is all just…so…hard.
    Congrats on your nephew! It is such a bittersweet thing huh? I think the news of pregnancies in family/friends is harder than the actual birth..at least for me it was. I think it is b/c one minute you are plodding along andn them BLAMMY- you are rememinded of what is so hard to attain in your life.
    When said baby is born, you have had many months to process your feelings and work through the stages of grief. (anger, denial, bargaining…etc.)

    I am glad you are happy for your brother, but so sad you guys have to go through this.
    um, sorry for hijacking the comments. I apparently need finger muzzles.

    Sending good thoughts to you and your wife!!!!!

  2. The tww is nerve wracking! After a while, I gave up trying to do anything “right.” If it is going to stick, it will stick. All you can do is hope.

    It is hard when you have a relative who has children before you. On one hand, it is a happy thing, and fun to interact with the baby. But on some level, I always felt like it should have been me. I should have had the baby first, as I have been trying longer. It sort of tears you in two.

  3. Your posts really take me back to a place I was excited for, yet hated so much. The beginning of my infertility journey began much like the thought in your last sentence. I think I’ll have to write my own post on that topic.

    The meds were what I hated the most. With each subsequent failed IUI and IVF cycle I felt the impact of years of meds. When I finally gave up treatment I was so happy to have my emotions back, but equally disappointed that I went through so much without success.

    It’s great to hear a male point of view. Keep writing.

  4. The pregnancy hormone, HCG is not even produced by the body until implantation, 5 days post conception, It’s produced by the developing placenta.

  5. It’s great to hear a comment from the male point of view. We just had an unsuccessful third IVF. We are going to keep trying. Maybe a few months off first.

  6. Just finding your blog. Like one of the previous comments, it’s nice to hear from a male perspective. Hoping this is your turn!

    (jrny2mmhood on tw.it.ter)

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