Somebody could probably become a millionaire if they could figure out how to develop a pregnancy test that could detect the pregnancy a lot faster. Like immediately. As any couple that has dealt with infertility issues knows, the two week wait between inseminations and knowing whether or not this was your month can be agony.
For me, I don’t think it’s as bad. I can’t say I don’t think about it….but not all the time. My wife on the other hand…if she feels something odd, or different, could that be? If we go out with friends, should she drink alcohol? How much exercise is too much? Can we go for a walk, or maybe just do a little shopping? Every decision involves the potential of everything actually going right this time, and her wanting to make sure she does everything “right.” The possibility of pregnancy is with her constantly during these two weeks, because it’s her body. It’s agony, and I feel like I need to constantly prove to her that it’s on my mind too. Because somehow, it’s not fair if just one of us has those constant reminders. But no matter how hard I try, I feel guilty. Because it’s not the same.
We were able to take some time off from the “process” after her surgery. She needed to recover, and then the timing of everything coincided with Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. So we basically had 3 months off. At first thought, I was really disappointed that we lost a quarter of a year. But to be honest, it was awesome. She had no hormones in her system, and she was her normal self for 3 months straight. She constantly asked me while she was on hormones if I can notice the difference in her, and I honestly told her no, she was the same person. But it was more evident to me after she got off the meds that that wasn’t really true.
It’s really more the progesterone. The clomid didn’t do much to her, but the progesterone….man. It made her sad, depressed, quiet, tired….not the same. She was still fun to be with, and could be happy or laugh, but she had to maybe try harder to force her way through to those feelings? They were muted, in a way. So the 3 months were just fantastic….we enjoyed being a married couple, we went out, had a blast. She was happy, and “normal.” I long for the days when she’s off the progesterone for good….of course, then she’ll have the pregnancy hormones I guess… 🙂
Also during this time, on November 20, we had a very blessed event; the birth of my nephew, my first blood-nephew/niece. The son of my identical twin brother. I was so excited at his birth, and relish every chance I get to see him.
But when we found out earlier that year in April, the feelings were so mixed. How could I feel, when I found out about such a wonderful addition to our family, the saddest and lowest I had ever felt? More to come on this…