Share The Burden

Back from Los Cabos in Mexico…how awesome was that. Technically a work trip for me but all-expenses paid trip for both of us. We are very fortunate for both of our jobs and all of the good that come with them. That obviously includes a perfectly-timed post-IUI failure getaway for the two of us.

I love sports, especially baseball. I like to drink on occasion; I even brew my own beer. If I’m not drinking craft brews, I’ll drink red wine or a single barrel scotch. I suck at fixing things around the house or diagnosing car problems, but I mow a hell of a lawn. You see, I’m a guy. I realize that my readers know me as that guy who can share his feelings about infertility, a guy who actually wants a baby so bad that he blogs about it….but I’m a guy.

I’ve learned a lot through this process. I know what a cervical lining looks on an ultrasound, and I’m now awesome at injecting an elephant’s amount of hormones into my wife. But I also learned that being strong for your wife can be a really bad idea.

Early on, when we encountered troubles, I took it upon myself to simply be the shoulder for my wife to cry on. And when she wasn’t crying, I avoided the subject of baby creation like my sperm avoid her eggs. Anything to not make her sad. I was trying to keep her perpetually in the dark of the growing possibility that we couldn’t start a family.

What this did instead, though, is to make my wife feel like I didn’t care. That I didn’t have any feelings in regard to this process. I shut down emotionally in order to be strong. And it made me a WEAK husband.

If there are any guys out there reading, please hear this: I know it’s really hard for us. I know it’s not in our nature to show weakness, to be exposed. But by sharing that exposure with your woman, you share the burden. The heavy burden of sadness and disappointment. It takes a real man to shoulder your share and lighten it a bit for her.

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5 responses to “Share The Burden

  1. Pingback: What’s Happening, Now: The Herb Caen Edition | Too Many Fish to Fry

  2. I’ve just come across your blog but I think its great. I wish I could get my husband to open up a little and tell me how hes really feeling.

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