We Try Not To…

We really learn a lot through the ‘Process’, don’t we? We learn a lot about the science of medicine, the technology and science available to us that is truly amazing (I tell those close to me that while I truly wish we didn’t have to do IVF, the science is really cool!)

We also learn a lot about ourselves, our partners and our relationship together. And again, while I don’t wish this process on anyone, it would be interesting if ALL couples had to go through it prior to having a kid. I don’t think it’s crazy to say that a lot of relationships could benefit from the stress test!

We have, unfortunately, also learned that people often don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

They think they do. But they must know there’s a chance they don’t know everything. They have to! So why not share everything?? It’s truly maddening…

I haven’t been able to write about this until now. 2 Tuesdays ago (May 31) HopeToBeMommy went in for the trial transfer. This procedure (I’m no doctor, I’m picking this up as I go, so correct me if I’m wrong) is to determine the length and direction of the uterus. They ultrasound during this procedure as well. I was, unfortunately, not able to attend due to a work meeting I had to be at.

HopeToBeMommy calls me hysterical. She has found out that her uterus may have a right turn in there that apparently would be sharp enough to require a blinker. Oh, and one of her ovaries may be behind the uterus and somewhat attached there.

This of course would make any travel down the Fallopian tube by a follicle quite difficult…and any sperm that would be put inside via IUI would have a much more difficult time getting to any follicles that may have made their way down. IVF most likely will not be affected adversely (unless they cannot access the one ovary without risking damage to the bladder…I am not willing to subject my wife to decades of adult diapers in order to get a kid!).

I want to take these results and go back to our previous doctor (not the nurse practitioners, who were wonderful) and give him a piece of my mind. I can imagine what I’d say:

“Did you ever think it might be helpful to check some of this stuff out?? During any of the hundreds of times you stuck the ultrasound wand up my wife while I sat on the other side of the sheet, how did you NOT ever see either of these issues?? Did you want us to go through the agony (and the cost) of 9 IUIs that provided very little actual chance of ending in a pregnancy? Or….maybe you just didn’t care? Maybe all you care about is getting our money so you could continue to make payments on that BMW 650i that you showed up in LATE when you bothered to even come to our appointments AT ALL!!”

….

[exhale]

We try not to. We try not to go there. We try not to sully these new attempts with bitterness over the past. Maybe it just never showed up. Maybe their equipment wasn’t good enough. But perhaps after the 4th failed attempt, maybe, just maybe, he could have attempted to see if something else was preventing success?

We try not to dwell on the past. Especially when the future could be so bright. We have a lot to look forward to. It would be easy to be angry at the old doctor…or angry with others that don’t want a kid but conceive by accident…or angry with “God” (whoever or whatever that is) for making us go through this. But I don’t think there’s much productive about that. So we hope, and we don’t get angry.

Or, at least, we try not to.

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3 responses to “We Try Not To…

  1. Oh this brings back such memories! You only realize how wide the range in care is when you finally get a good doctor. I had an OB fully ready to let me have 3 miscarriages before being willing to admit that there might be something wrong. In fact, – he was willing to let me lose 3 babies to acknowledge that maybe they should look around. My luck was another OB who suggested I speak with a high risk pregnancy specialist. I went through nearly 9 years of OB care without once being diagnosed with infertility. Come to find out my reproductive system is seriously defunct!

    That being said, it’s good you are in good hands. I’ve gone the IVF route, and to be honest, it’s a very long series of checkpoints before you can get excited. Take it all in a stride – if you do it enough times, you’ll be successful.

  2. When I was going through my years of infertility, I was lucky to have a VERY thorough RE. I know so many women who went to quacks.

    I always reminds me a saying I heard – What do you call the person who graduated LAST in their Medical School class??? Doctor.

  3. It is so hard. some doctors think they are doing a good thing by being optimistic… “This will work for you”, etc. etc. I am sorry this wasn’t found earlier.
    For what it is worth, one of my IUIs- my first had my left ovary behind my uterus. I had to be pushed, prodded, move position, and even encouraged to go poo. They finally saw it.
    The next IUI- no problemo. Ovary in full view with no issues. Weird huh? HOPEFULLY there will not be an issue there and it will correct itself. I have no idea why/how/etc…other than I just think the universe owes you both.

    GOOD LUCK!!!

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