This was not what I expected, though I’m not really sure what I did expect. Why did I expect perfection? Really? After everything we’ve been through, this wasn’t going to be flawless…I should have known that.
Still, it was very good, all things considered. We had a grade 2 blastocyst and a grade 2 morula that was apparently just a couple of hours from becoming a full blastocyst. We also had a couple of others that were still dividing but not yet at or near blastocyst stage. We had to make an executive decision: one embryo or two?
My gut told me two, as did HopeToBeMommy’s. Let’s get the best chance possible, and hey, twins always seemed like an inevitability for us anyway! (I’m an identical twin, not through any fertility measures, just plain by chance). But my analytical mind took over. Our chances improved by a mere 7 points of getting a pregnancy, according to their numbers. But our chances of twins went up 40 points! The mere possibility of complications from a multiples pregnancy made my in-my-head risk analysis study start to strongly recommend just implanting the blastocyst and freeze the morula.
I asked the doctor to step out for a minute so HopeToBeMommy and I could discuss privately. As soon as he was out that door, I turned to her, and before I could get my argument out, she said “We’re doing two.” I said “But…”
She interrupted. “No. We’re doing two. I want this done the first time. I always wanted twins anyway. We’re doing two.”
OKAY THEN! Hey, that’s what my gut wanted too, I just wanted to interject some rational analytics into the conversation. No room for that though 🙂
From there it was quick. I suddenly got very anxious as we got in the room. Emotions just wanted to pour out of me as I watched my wife get into the stirrups, get that speculum in, and unfortunately, get the catheter in too (bladder wasn’t full enough; I swear, my wife is a camel, I always need bathroom breaks before she does!). But really, it’s all a blur at this point. We got pictures of the two embryos under a microscope, and then again of the fluid shot from the ultrasound. It’s like our first pictures of our kid(s)…maybe 🙂 At the end, the doctor told us everything went well, that it was a “beautiful transfer”. Nice to hear when things go right.
Our acupuncturist saw HopeToBeMommy right afterward and she swears this is it. She even put a copy of our embryo pic on her ‘Baby On Board’ display with a ‘Coming Soon’ sticker. I told her not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help it. I’ve said it before, but what is the point of this process if we can’t have hope? I want hope…and I want a kid…or kids. Let’s hope one leads to another.