Starting Again

After four weeks since my last blog entry, I wish I could say that I had something earth-shattering, something profound to say in this space. But it’s simply not the case. I haven’t had anything that I felt I wanted to say, but here I am, iPad on the desk, and I’m going through the exercise of putting fingers to keyboard. I need to write. I need to put pen to paper, so to speak.

HopeToBeMommy had her baseline ultrasound last Thursday. I was unable to attend as I was flying back from Edmonton (work trip) that day. I hate missing appointments, but I don’t think I’ll lose any ‘guy points’ over that one. We have our next appointment tomorrow morning, and then from there we’ll be making our frequent pilgrimages to the clinic until retrieval time. It’s pure craziness that we’re back here, at that place of these appointments. It seems like FOREVER ago when were last there, but it’s only been six weeks. We’ve just been in this black hole since…

Not like we’ve been living in depression. Quite the contrary. We’ve been having fun, fun being a couple. We love each other, and we love being in each other’s company. If that weren’t the case, this would be ten times more difficult.

It seems like everything is more familiar this time. Maybe easier? First of all, the wife is much better off emotionally and hormonally on the Menopur and the Follistim versus the birth control pills…once we move to the shots, things are so much better. And now, the shots are easier, and hopefully the appointments and the ‘egg counts’ will be easier too. Experience counts, I guess.

I’m hoping things will be a bit more even keel this time…I want to be hopeful, but I don’t want to ride that same roller coaster. It’s so easy to optimistic at retrieval time and then have a huge downward spiral that creates pure pessimism by the time the pregnancy test comes…I’d rather venture through this on a straighter line.

So we’ll see. Retrieval may be mid to late next week, and we’ll go from there. It could happen this time. It could also not happen. It’s not in our hands. We have to choose to control only that which we can control….and be okay with leaving the rest to chance.

Ugh. Why can’t we just be normal breeders?

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