And so we are here. How did we get here?? Tomorrow we find out the gender of our baby….our little one that we will see arrive into this world in another 20 weeks. To say we’re excited about this is to massively undersell it. To say we care one bit about whether we see a penis or a vagina would be a huge lie. Boy or girl, we will be elated. Seriously….how did we get here?
Our story is a lot like many other people’s, so what I say won’t really catch a lot of you by surprise. You get the disappointing news so often….I don’t know. Eventually you start to think it won’t happen. I can’t sit here and say I ever lost hope. I always did think we’d have our kid. But I started to wonder a bit if it would be through adoption….which would have been great. Adoption is so awesome; it deserves so much better than being most people’s 2nd option. There is almost nothing more noble than giving a loving home to a child that needs it. But, much like many others, we wanted that shot to create our own kid. To know he/she shares some of that genetic code with us. And HTBM wanted to experience a pregnancy. These aren’t abnormal things….I wouldn’t even call them selfish. I just think it’s human nature. It’s simply human nature to want to have the ability to procreate, to not have that ability robbed from you by some odd occurrence of infertility in this world.
So while I didn’t lose hope, I started to lose some hope. Life paused for almost 5 years, while we saw friends and family alike achieve their family creation dream so easily. And in the era of Facebook and Twitter, while we found a community of people struggling like us, we were also exposed to even more acquaintances who would share kid and baby pictures ad nauseum, not to mention ultrasound pictures! (I still think we should post our follicle implantation picture and beat them all – ha!)
It’s really, really difficult to stay positive when it feels like the world is taking a shit on you. It’s hard to feel like you have a shot when you continually and consistently are told ‘no’.
But then, we heard yes.
And no matter how hard we worry, we continue to hear, and see, and experience, yes.
Sometimes the fortunes change. Sometimes the winds change direction; the hurricane force gale stops blowing in your face just when you think you’ll give ground and start going backward….and starts hitting you in the back instead. Just when you feel you couldn’t be any less lucky….
To those reading who haven’t experienced it yet – you must still believe. Good things will happen for all of us. We never believed we’d have to go through 5 years of hardship just to start a family. But we weren’t given more than we could handle. And so it is with you. I’m not going to promise the same result – perhaps you’ll start your family via donor egg, donor sperm, adoption, whatever. But I firmly believe that it doesn’t matter how you become happy….it only matters that you get there. Happiness comes in all forms, and if you want to be a parent, you should be one. And once that little one is in your arms, I’m positive the rest doesn’t matter. Blood, genes, whatever….it just wouldn’t matter. Love endures, and love is created. Right in that moment you connect.
In our case, with child #1, it will be our blood and genes. Perhaps child #2 will be via adoption….who knows? But for now, we couldn’t possibly be happier. And tomorrow, we’ll know whether we should start focusing on boy names or girl names. And in this moment, as I sip on some wine and finish this post, I literally couldn’t feel any luckier than I do right now. Seriously…..imagine that.